Weird but Normal: Essays by Mia Mercado

Author:Mia Mercado [Mercado, Mia]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Humor, Form, Essays, Biography & Autobiography, Personal Memoirs, Literary Collections
ISBN: 9780062942845
Google: xRCqDwAAQBAJ
Amazon: 1094158100
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2020-05-19T00:00:00+00:00

I’m a Guy’s Girl

Oh, I didn’t see you there—I was too busy watching sports and shotgunning beers. I’m a pretty typical tomboy. Also, I’m pretty. It’s confusing, I know.

People are always like, “Were you created in a lab?” And I’m always like,

“I’m not at liberty to discuss that.”

Kidding! I love humor. Nothing is funnier to me than a boy fart or saying

“pussy” for no reason. And, yes, you can swear around me. I’m used to it because I grew up with a bunch of brothers. It was so many brothers but also a normal number. Like, seventeen? Does that sound right?

I’ve always been a guy’s girl. I love meats and video games and how gasoline smells and tires taste. You know—just dude stuff. I’ve never been into girly things like makeup or being culturally conditioned to hate my body.

What even is “bronzer” or “eyelashes”? I don’t understand why girls take so long to get ready. I put my human flesh on one leg at a time, just like one of the guys.

Girls are always so jealous and sensitive about everything. I don’t get that. I literally feel nothing except interest in whatever you like. I don’t think I’d get along with girls if I ever met one in real life.

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